I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
