i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
