why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
