remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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