he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
