Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
