this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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