I wish I could teleport
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
