Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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