sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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