I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
