I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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