Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
