Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
