i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
