I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
