Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
