Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
