Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
