My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
tell me about the fingering
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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