I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
