Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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