Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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