I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
