my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
