This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
