I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize