I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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