I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm getting married
To pizza
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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