"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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