Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize