Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
