i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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