oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
