He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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