Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
