What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
