I'm going to jail i love you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
