Me too!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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