You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Randomize
