I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
