jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
