ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
