it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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