I look better un-naked...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
