Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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