YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
