I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize