Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
