I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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