oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
