Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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