I just made out with a guy for $7.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
