I wanna passion pit in your ass
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
