you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
