I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
