there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
