I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
