Jerry, you need to find god
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
