so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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