he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
