Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
