Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
