Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
