I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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