apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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