I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
