barbara walters just said penis...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
