Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
