It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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