It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
