I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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