now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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