JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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