So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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