just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize