remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
