well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm too high and old for this...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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