after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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