Got a toothbrush?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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