Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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