omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
