Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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