I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
