I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you will always have a special place in my vag
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
