Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
