I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
