She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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