My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
