I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize