I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize