Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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