i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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