Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
