by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
