i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
