So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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