You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
