I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His hands were made for my vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
