we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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