He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
nutella sex= disaster
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
