I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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