Just fell off a train. Bad.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
