I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
