looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize