how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
