I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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