just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize