im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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