She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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